


The errors made along the way

by DawnShellian



Category: SAKANA (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Gen, Kind of slow-paced, but he also has memories of the main timeline, or at least some emotion, there's some comfort, where taro never went back to the stall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23935306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnShellian/pseuds/DawnShellian
Summary: Taro wakes up in a world where nobody remembers he came back.He's confused, he's hurt, and it may take a while to get used to not being remembered as the guy he became.
Kudos: 2





	1. your past is forever lost

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I began this fic really quickly, and because i'm lazy i did NO research on hospitals. As I'm feeling guilty of this, I'm just warning you : you may see something bullshitty. And you can tell me, of course. Me changing the story depends if that ruins it or better it.
> 
> Thanks for reading me :)

When he opens his eyes, he only sees white.  
That alone warns him something is wrong.  
Their ceiling is light blue, not this aggressive color that pains him.  
Then the sounds come. Little machine sounds, ruffle of clothes, and voices far away.  
Then the smell. Disinfectant.

He lays on a bed, a soft one at that. He tries to sit, but his head spins immediatly. Someone took his glasses. He pats beside him, and by some miracle he finds them near his pillow. It’s his old pair, the squared ones. He didn’t remember they were so dirty. He tries cleaning them with the sheets, to no avail.  
He puts his glasses, stares at his hands. They are damaged, more than usual. He almost can’t recognize them.  
There’s no one around him, but with his sight mostly back, he sees what he already understood. He’s in a hospital. And he can’t remember why.

What does he remember? His routine, being a butcher at his uncle’s stall. All is muddled. His brother going on a date. That’s recent - and new! He clings to this memory. They went drinking afterwards, and their manager was pissed the next few days. What after that? He was supposed to go to a family dinner. Did that happen?

He’s thirsty, and it’s like the thought was enough to make a nurse appear. They give him water and go fetch a doctor.  
“So… how do you feel?”  
“I-uh- what am I doing here?”  
“You almost froze to death. Luckily a neighbor called an ambulance.”  
“Frost.”  
He was not expecting that.  
“So, I’ll need a few informations, if you’re okay with that.”  
“Err, right. I don’t remember much of the past few days but…”  
“That’s totally normal. You were severely dehydrated, hungry, and had a slight cold before coming here. That was 2 days ago.”  
He stays silent. Hungry? A cold? How did he end up here?  
“So, first question : what’s your name?”  
“Taro Sakana.”  
“Do you have any relatives we could call?”  
“Yeah… but… do you mean nobody knows I’m here? Why didn’t you call them sooner?”  
The doctor stares at him.  
“Well, that’s the problem isn’t it? How do we know who to call if we don’t even know who you are? So… Any relatives?”  
“Yes. Ren Sakana. He’s my uncle. He must be worried sick I didn’t show up at work…”  
The doctor’s head shots up, and he’s staring again, before writing something on his damn little notebook.  
“Other question. What do you remember last?”  
So Taro explains, he tries, but he knows he’s confused, so he’s not very clear. It’s frustrating. The doctor goes away. Taro, too tired to stay up, just closes his eyes. Jiro too, must be worried sick. He should have asked the doctor his cellphone, but he was to busy shooting questions at him.

Some times later, another one of these white coats comes, and sits beside him. His smile is too kind to be true.  
“Hello Taro. I’m Dr Sasaki. So, you’re working at the Tsukiji fish market, right? And that’s your last memory?”  
“Yeah. Why are you asking?”  
Dr Sasaki waits a bit before answering.  
“Because it is difficult to believe. I mean, from a homeless person of the neighborhood, and because Tsukiji is 50 miles away.”  
“What. I’m not-”  
“And you are pretty well known by the people around here. You don’t disappear each day to work.”  
Taro does not compute what he said.  
“I-I lived on the streets, alright, but that was 4 years ago!”  
“Do you really think you have the face of someone who works everyday, who has a home?”  
He gestures towards a mirror on the wall - he hadn’t seen it - and Taro is welcomed by the face of a stranger. Long damaged hair - longer than he ever let them grow, big circles under his eyes, scratchy beard. And thin. Thinner than he ever was.  
This sight frightens Taro. How could he finish like that? He wasn’t on the streets these last years, he’s positive of it, but his-his body betrays this very thought.  
“Wh-… C-can you tell me what day is it?”  
Dr Sasaki answers, but that doesn’t resolve shit.  
“I-is this a prank?”  
“No, it is not.”  
He’s dead serious, and Taro feels an anxiety attack coming. He didn’t have one of those for years, but right now, maybe that’s justified.  
That’s the moment Ren chooses to show up.  
“T-Taro?”  
Taro watches him, unable to talk. He’s exactly like he remembers, white-grey hair and all, but the emotion in his voice - it shouldn’t exist. They saw each other for the past four years at the market, almost everyday. He shouldn’t look at him like that. Like he’s a ghost. Taro’s throat tightens. Last time he heard Ren use this voice, it was when he came back. No, he corrects mentally, it’s worse than last time.  
Ren stays by the door, but Taro can’t think of anything to say. His uncle continues, almost in a whisper.  
“We-we thought you were dead, after all this time…”  
Is it guilt he hears? Taro can’t take it. He tries to get up.  
“R-Ren, I…”  
Dr Sasaki pushes him gently on the bed - he does not yet have the force to stay on his feet - and goes to his uncle.  
“May I talk to you, sir?”  
They go out in the hallway. Taro can only watches his uncle, catching the last of his stares, and the door closes. Anxiety rushes forth, and Taro whimpers weakly in his hands.  
It’s a nightmare.


	2. drown in the unknown

Taro must have fell asleep again, because when he wakes up, the twilight is pouring in his room. He groans, sitting up. His head still spins, but that won’t stop him.  
He hears a breath in a corner of the room. He lifts his gaze and meets the eyes of his uncle.  
What’s better? Continue to stare, or avert his eyes? Ren comes sit by him, so he doesn’t have to choose. He pats him, gently.  
“So m’boy, how do you feel?”  
The extra care he takes makes Taro self-aware. He doesn’t want that. It’s too real. It already was like that the first time - if it ever existed.  
“I’m looking that bad, heh?”  
Ren just smiles, as if he was going to cry.  
“Sorry, Ren. I’m… I’m fine. What did Sasaki told you?”  
“He… Maybe we could talk about that later? Right now, I’m just glad to have my lost nephew back.”  
Taro clenches his fist.  
“Please, Ren, whatever he told you, you know it’s not a story right?”  
His uncle doesn’t answer, so he goes on.  
“Tell me what Sasaki said was some shit. That I was working at the fish stall before coming here! Please tell me I came back 4 years ago!”  
Ren starts at the outburst. Just the look of his face - this damn look - shows he’s frightened, just a little, by Taro. As if he didn’t knew him anymore. His anger dies out as quickly as it cames.  
“Dr Sasaki said what happened to you is unusual, but not unheard of. I didn’t understand most of it. Something about creating an alternate life of yours, a better one.”  
“I don’t think I can create 4 years of my life. I-I remember working there, I swear. With Jiro and Yuudai - and you and Shigeru before you opened the sushi stall and…”  
Taro trails off. Ren’s expression is just pain, and he’s causing it. He takes a deep breath and just shuts up. He does not understand what had happened, but he won’t convince anybody with this kind of behavior.  
He’s just… damn tired. He lays back and just stares at the ceiling.  
“I’m impressed you remember Shigeru - and Yuudai. I just talked about them a few times before you… _left_. I don’t know about any sushi stall though.”  
They stay a bit, with this silence that gets thicker and thicker.  
“Dr Sasaki said something about butchery. If… well, if you want to come back, I could try to find a spot for you at the stall.”  
Taro processes the thought. He stores the past 4 years _he lived_ in the back of his mind. Else he’ll come back to that and it won’t help the anxiety lurking in.  
“If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but I worry about-”  
“I’ll come with you. Thanks, Ren.” He hates how his voice wavers. Now or then, Ren still does the offer, and maybe not all hope is lost for him. Maybe he’ll get this life again, 4 years too late.

The next day, they leave the hospital. The staff gave Taro his clothes back, but they were so dirty and gross Ren bought him new ones. As he dresses up, it strikes him again how thin he is, and Ren realizes it too. It’s easy when Taro floats in clothes that should fit him. In his other life - or his delusion, the one where he came back 4 years ago, his state hadn’t have the time to worsen to this point.  
He feels his terrible health everytime he takes a step. It’s not an acute pain, more like a strong weariness that made home in his bones, and he can’t shake it out.  
Each cough rattling his throat makes Ren tense. He seems to restrain himself, in order not to watch Taro in anguish at the sound. It must be the tenth or twelfth time he does that when Taro blurts:  
“I’m fine, Ren, really.”  
They are already driving to the Sakana’s home. The first snow is here, whitening the landscape, and slushing the road.  
“I warned your aunt you were coming. She’s preparing your old room.”  
“Thanks. D-did you tell anybody else?”  
“Well, when the hospital called, I was at the stall, and since… since it was news of you, I had to go. Jiro was there. I didn’t tell him, because if it was not true, better spare him. He must know now, though. Yumiko must have told him, we were supposed to have a family dinner yesterday evening. I also told her about the stall, I hope you don’t mind?”  
“No, it’s okay.”  
He mindlessly passes fingers through his hair. Focusing on this allows him not to focus on anything else. Some parts are so tangled he can’t brush them properly. He finds some tips bleached, the red dye gone a long time ago, so now they appear blond-grey.  
“Maybe we should go to the hairdresser before?” asks Ren “it’s pretty damaged…”  
“You won’t mind?”  
“That’s not my call to make. But it would be great for you to appear as your best.”  
Implying that even with new clothes, he still looks terrible.  
He watches his own tired eyes in the mirror.  
“Yeah, alright.”

The hairdresser has no choice but to cut his hair short. He couldn’t recover any length whatsoever, so now Taro feels the cold on his neck. His shaved chin is fresh. It’s the first time he does not look much like his father when he has short hair. Now he sees a complete stranger in the mirror. He may be even scarier like that. Maybe this was a bad idea.  
Finally, they make it to Ren’s house.  
Approching the door, Taro’s heart drums fast against his chest. He should not feel like that. He saw his aunt, what, the past week? But the Yumiko he’ll see right now didn’t. How should he act? Like last time? How did he act last time? It was a time we was locked inside himself, dark, hard. He’s beyond that now. _He’s beyond that, right?_  
The door opens before he could even reach the handle.  
Aunt Yumiko is there, on the doorstep.  
“Hi, auntie!” Taro tries to smile, but her shock does not lessen. Then she’s on him, hugging him. She doesn’t even speak - cannot speak. She’s wailing, weakly, and holds him strong.  
“Y-Yumiko, I ca-can’t breath.”  
She lets him go, then, and smiles to him.  
“Welcome home, Taro.”


	3. the calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this chapter was kind of a pain to write. It's not angst per se, you see, but at the same time, it can't be angst all the time. You gotta prepare the terrain.  
> tbh, I'm not sure about the pacing of this one.  
> So, yeah.

Taro struggles to sleep in his room. They kept it as it was before, like a mausoleum. The creepiness of that wasn’t lost on him. Worse, it feels like his old self wants to take over. In a way, he’s still his old self. Right now, he’s an idiot _who didn’t came back_ , even though he remembers otherwise.  
He has to get himself together. He can become someone else. Hell, he is someone else, inside. It’s easy, really. Just… act as usual, and everything will be as it was.  
If only he looked like before, not this skinny tired impersonation of him, they would not look at him with this pity, this light anguish, as if he’s going to break at any moment.  
The exhaustion wins him early in the morning. When he wakes up, it’s already late into the afternoon. Taro doesn’t feel rested though. He just wants to sleep again, but forces himself on his feet.  
The clothes of his youth fit him better then the last ones, but he’s still looking sick. When he goes out of his room, Yumiko is here, gives him something to eat, and occupies his mind with little things, the news and gossips.  
“So… Ren didn’t wake me up today” he states.  
Yumiko just stares at him.  
“For the job. At the stall.”  
“Oh, Taro…”  
She sideglances before continuing:  
“You don’t have to go right away. You can work when you’re a bit better.”  
“I feel fine. I can work.”  
He’s not so sure about the second statement, but either way he need to do something. Fall back into normalcy - _his normalcy_ \- as quickly as possible.  
“We’ll see with Ren, then.”  
He helps her with the chores around the house, before collapsing on the couch, out of breath. He hears the door opens. That’s Ren.  
“Hey, uncle Ren! You had a good day?”  
“Very good! And you? Did you rest?”  
“Yeah.”  
Taro waits a bit before saying:  
“Ren, I-I thought I’d go to the market with you today.”  
“Haw haw! Don’t be hasty boy, you have all the time you need.”  
“The time for what? I want to work!”  
“Alright, I’ll warn the others tomorrow, and you can begin on Monday? Is it okay for you?”  
“But last time-”  
He stops brutally. Last time, he was immediatly butchering fish - and did a horrible job of it.  
Ren seizes his meaning, and his features drop lightly. It’s obvious he does not know what to say.  
“Monday’s fine. Yeah.”  
“There… there is something I have to talk about with you.”  
He sits on the couch. _Shit, he’s going to be serious._  
“Dr Sasaki gave me a number of addresses, people that could help you, for the- for the _thing_.”  
“You mean my supposed delusion.”  
Taro closes his eyes. He should have seen that coming.  
“I don’t want someone messing with my brain.”  
“It’s not to mess with it, it’s to help you, heal the traum-”  
“I HAVE NOTHING. I DON’T _NEED_ HELP!”  
“… Alright.”  
Taro rubs his eyes.  
“I- I’m okay, really. I don’t need any of that.”  
He smiles to get the point across, and Ren just nods.  
“Well… I’m keeping that in the drawer, if you ever need them.”

The evening is normal overall. They are still cautious around Taro, but the jokes he’s making eases the mood. The next day, he tries to adjust his sleeping schedule. The stubble on his chin begins to show so he feels more like himself. He has more energy too, but that may just be because he’s eating right. That’s good. He has to prepare mentally for the Monday. He tries to think why and how he’s in this world now, but he can’t think of anything. A little nagging in the back of his mind echoes the words of Ren. Imaginary world. Delusion. He feels his old memories are fuzzy, but rejectes the possibility that it may not have existed. As for the reverse, this being a dream, it’s not very convincing either. All is too real.

Sunday afternoon, the anxiety comes. This little bastard comes sneakily, with Taro watching the bathroom’s mirror and not seeing himself, yet again. His cheekbones are too visible, he still has bruises from his time outside, and _why does this feeling is so strong when he felt like himself the day before?_. He should ask Ren to get new pair of glasses. These ones give him a mean look - the one he tried to get rid of years ago.  
“Dont think about it Taro,” he whispers “nor about the fact you may spiral into madness…”  
The doorbell rings at this very moment. Taro puts on a shirt and is coming out of the bathroom to see Genji enters. He freezes when he sees him. His cousin is greeting his parents. He seems… relaxed. The most relaxed he ever saw him. He doesn’t listen to what he says until he mentions Jiro.  
“Jiro is sorry, he can’t come today…”  
Taro takes a step towards then, and Genji finally notices him. He stops talking and just stares, as if he’s seeing a ghost.  
“T-Taro?”  
“What? Nobody told you I’d be there?”  
Genji is more shocked than angry. That’s new. Taro stays wary, waiting for the answer.  
“I-er- Hello Taro, how you’ve been? I mean - not in the streets - but… here?” Genji finishes weakly.  
Taro just crosses his arms. He has to make an effort, right?  
“Fine.”  
The syllab comes so final Genji just laughs awkwardly and shuts up.  
“I invited Genji, to see you.” says Ren “It’s been a while and you-”  
“That’s okay, dad, I can leave, he doesn’t want to see me.”  
Taro grits his teeth. Oh, now he is the bad guy.  
“Don’t feel forced to because of me.”  
“Listen, Taro, I know we had… a _rough_ youth, but that’s behind us.”  
“ _Really?_ ”  
“Yeah, really!”  
This yell makes Taro smirk. Genji looses it.  
“I know I was an ass, okay, but you’re weren’t much better! Still aren’t apparently.”  
Ren puts a hand on Genji’s shoulder but he frees himself and strides towards him. His cousin looms over him and Taro stops smiling.  
“Are you trying to frighten me?”  
“The f- why are you like that? Didn’t you agree to come back here, take the right path?!”  
“I won’t take any lesson from you, alright?!”  
Ren is over them now, separating them.  
“Boys, boys! What are you doing? Genji, Taro just came back, you can’t say that to him. Taro… you don’t have to be on the defensive.”  
Both stay silent a while.  
“Listen, dad, I think I’ll leave. Sorry, Taro. I didn’t mean to upset you…”  
Is… is Genji apologizing? Taro looks up just to see his cousin a bit flustered. He can’t understand. What happened to him?  
“So, yeah, see you tomorrow.”  
And he’s gone, faster than he came, leaving Taro alone, but not better.  
Ren is disappointed by him, he knows that. But that’s Genji. It’s just- urrhhh. In this universe or the other, he can’t get along with Genji. Why did it have to be him, and not his brother?

It’s only late in the night, already in bed, that the thought comes:  
“Wait… he said _see you tomorrow_?”


	4. the missing one is a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter!

The 4am wake takes a toll on Taro’s body. He yawns all the way to the market, and Ren just jokes about nothing and all. The market is as he remembers. A rock in the middle of uncertainty. At the stall, there’s Shigeru, the same stoïc face. Relief courses throught Taro’s veins. If his memories were a delusion, it was oddly accurate to reality.  
Shigeru immediatly greets him, gives him an apron and begins to talk to Ren about things that should be the supervisor jobs. Watching around, he sees nobody. Jiro not being here, that is not surprising, but Yuudai… Ren and Shigeru finish their talk and the tall guy pats him behind the back.  
“Ima show ya the stall, alright?”  
Taro almost protest, but he has to play along, he has to, so he shuts up and listens to the things he already know. His station, the coffee, the fish, what they have to do… Finally, when Shigeru asks if he has any question, he dares:  
“A-are you the supervisor? What happ- Was it the job of a Yuudai-someone?”  
“How dya know him? He left tha stall 3 years ago. Didn’t get along with your cous-”  
“Oi, Shigeru, you’re talking about me?”  
Taro immediatly irks and turns around.  
“What are you doing here?!”  
Genji is unimpressed.  
“I’m working here. Get used to me.”  
He goes the the butcher counter, _his counter_ , and even though his brain is doing the math - _Genji is the butcher, what the hell_ \- Taro repeats mentally the words, without catching the meaning of them. As he stares at Genji, another follows after him. His gaze slides to his brother, who freezes when their eyes meet.  
“Uh- Jiro.”  
What an eloquence, really. This Jiro is the same Jiro he knows. He understands he’s been staring for too long when Jiro stutters:  
“Ah h-hello, I-I’m going t-to open the r-register, okay?”  
And with that, he disappears behind the curtain. Taro didn’t have the time to reach to him he’s already gone. Shigeru and Genji exchange a look.  
“If ya want to talk ta him some more, ya can, Taro.”  
“Yeah, right, just laze around, Taro.”  
Shigeru goes “Tch” and slaps Genji behind the head.  
Taro clenches his fists, but doesn’t take the bait. He’s better than this. He won’t mess it up.  
“I-I’ll try not to be long.”  
He’s bad at this, but he can’t cut it. Jiro did hold a small grudge _before_ , and even though it disappeared pretty quickly, ignoring him won’t help.  
“Hey…”  
“Hey…”  
Jiro only has eyes for the register. Taro sighs. He knew his wouldn’t be easy, but it’s still painful now that he lives it. He dismisses the unfairness of the situation, facing this Jiro again, hurt and facing a brother become stranger.  
He wants to say something though, but nothing comes to mind. What did he do last time? He wonders. That didn’t happen in one time. Thay had two years of brief meetings before being close again.  
“I’m sorry, Jiro. I should have been there for you.”  
Isn’t that the heart of the problem. He wasn’t here for him, even when he fluked out of school. Now Jiro is watching him.  
“T-That’s okay. You had your own problems, right?”  
The shy smile on his face encourages him. That’s a good beginning.  
“I’ve been a bad brother, I know, but that’ll change, I promise.”  
“Right.” Jiro smile fades, and distress sets in Taro’s insides. What did he do wrong? Why…  
“I-”  
“We-we should get to work.”  
The register opens with its merry sound. At least one thing here is happy. Taro retreats, step by step.  
“Right. Have a good day, lil’ bro.”

It… went okay, all things considered, part of his mind knows, but Taro keeps the sour taste of defeat. It only strikes now him how much he lost to… to what? He has nothing to be mad at, apart himself, and he refuse to hate himself now. _It’s not his fault_.  
Doesn’t make it more bearable.  
He needs to slay some fish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji saying "I'm working here. Get used to me." to Taro, but also to you, whoever you may be.
> 
> Also.... At first, I wanted Jiro to be real mad or really cold to Taro, cause *angst*, nice people in the sakana discord pointed to me that Jiro is just a lil ball full of forgiveness. And after letting this story rest for two days, I realized I prefered our good ol' Jiro than this harder one.  
> Doesn't mean all will go well though.
> 
> Alsooooo... I imagine Jiro seeing his brother for the first time for years and thinking "he's.... smaller than me"


	5. broken expectations

Genji stares. A little twitch makes his eyebrow jump.  
“What again?” asks Taro.  
“What. The. Heck. Holy shit, where does all this blood come from?! H-how is it even possible?!”  
His cousin adds a decibel with each syllab. In the end, Shigeru emerges from the curtain:  
“Ya two! Stop shout-”  
He too, just stops and stares.  
“What happen’d here?”  
“This maniac j-”  
“I did my job, which is butchering fish! I don’t know why you all freak out about this!”  
“Taro, yer covered in blood.”  
“So what?”  
Genji and Shigeru exchange a glance. Again.  
“This’s no way of butch’rin’ fish. I can’t let ya do that in place of Genji.”  
“What? But watch the cuts. They’re perfect!”  
“They’re okay, but all this is messy. That means more work to wash the stall a’ the end of the day.”  
Shigeru is scratching his head.  
“Mebbe ya’d be better as cashier…”  
“I don’t wanna be a cashier!”  
“God, Taro, you can’t choose what job you do here! Dad already stretches what he has by hiring you!”  
“What do you mean?”  
He’s swinging the knife around, so Genji straightens.  
“I mean, there’s not so much stuff to do at this stall. We are already overcrowded! We don’t nee-”  
Genji stops, looks sideways. Continues with a quieter voice:  
“I mean, it’s not like there’s any problem with _you_ working here. Only, well… Let me take care of the fish.”  
Taro squintes - his cousin is too considerate - until Shigeru touches his wrist.  
“Taro. Could ya gimme the knife?”  
Shigeru passes him some towel instead, and he cleans the blood of his face.  
What the hell. He always cut fish like that.  
Well, the first times were horrendous, but he got better and there were as much blood as now. It never bothered Shigeru before. Yuudai, on the other hand… He almost misses the blond guy. He could have argued with him, and no one would have cared.

  
He spends the rest of the day at the front. It takes them only a little while to see that he is really not cut out for customer service, so they settle him on filling the boxes of seafood.  
He’s bored. He didn’t know he could feel that working here.  
Worse, Jiro is not talking to him. Not out of spite, but each time Taro begins a conversation, Jiro stammers until Taro ends it, and he’s not fond of torturing his little brother into speaking. He’s shelving when he hears his brother saying a whole sentence without sweat. Lifting his head, he sees him talking to Chie. They’re touching hands, smiling, being sappy.  
Taro’s mood drops. He’s wary of her. He should not be, trusts Jiro a bit more. It’s none of his business. Still…  
She’s coming to him.  
“Hello, you must be Taro, I’m-”  
“Chie Yamamoto.”  
That comes out on its own, way too cold. Chie turns uneasily towards Jiro:  
“D-did err… did you guys talk about me?”  
Jiro is watching him.  
“No, we didn’t.”  
“I meant, nice to meet you, I am indeed Taro Sakana, aha…”  
Now they’re both not convinced.  
“So… you’re dating?”  
“Wh- how do-”  
Taro rolls his eyes.  
“You’re not very discreet. Just. Don’t hurt him.”  
Chie nods, a bit unsure.  
The silence stretches, and stretches, and Taro knows they are watching him stacking fish upon fish, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even know why’d they come talk to him in the first place. Chie sighs, and she’s her usual self again, mischievous and happy.  
“Well, I hope we get to know each other. Jiro talked a lot about you.”  
Taro wonders what he said. Probably not something really positive, since it must have been before they met again. This thought doesn’t lighten his mood.  
“A’ight.”  
Jiro’s still watching him, not smiling. What does he expect? Even before, he didn’t know her much, apart from the fact that she bullied Jiro, and seems okay compared to her _really infuriating_ sister.  
Then she’s gone, and the brothers stares at each other. Jiro says in a low voice:  
“What the heck? Why are you doing that?”  
“She made your preschool hell! I still gotta check if-”  
“No, you don’t check anything, Taro! She’s something g-good in my life, and I won’t let you ruin it.”  
“Jiro…”  
“I forgive you for leaving, if that’s what you want. I’m glad you came back, really, but I can take care of myself. Don’t try to be what you never were… Y-you don’t need to try so hard, alright?”  
Jiro finishes his speech on a gentler note, but Taro still freezes. He should say something.  
But what? What could it be? What on earth would make them closer in this situation?  
“I’m-” he begins.  
What is he? He knows what he’s like, but how do he make Jiro understand? Words… Words are not enough for that. You can’t just say you are funny and happy and close to your family, it doesn’t make it true, even if you believe it. He’s not an angry kid anymore. He fought against his anger, until he could say he wasn’t an angry man. But this day was not really a good example of that.  
Jiro sighs and pats his shoulder.  
“Time to close.”


	6. this world is bleak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy did I take time to write that one. You know when the steam fall, it gets more and more difficult.  
> And I'm at a point in this story where *plot* happens. And yeah it was difficult. And it's long, yeah.  
> I don't have enough strength right now to fully prune this chapter, so here it is, with minimal editions

The next days at work are better, but Shigeru still does not trust him with a knife, Genji tries sometimes to talk to him, awkwardly, and Jiro.… Apologized several times for what he said during his first day. Apologized as he would apologize to his old self. To a stranger basically.  
But he doesn’t have to despair, right? He can make it right.  
There’s two things he can think of. First, maybe there’s a way he can come back to his first world, the one he came back after two years of wandering, and this is just a nightmare or just a strange supernatural experience (he does not care to know how, he wants to _fix it_ ). Or second, he’s really stuck here. Maybe he didn’t really live these past 4 years, maybe his memories are fake. And so what? In the case were they are real and he can’t go back, fine, he’ll use them to gain back what he lost. And if they aren’t.… doesn’t matter, he’ll do whatever he can to make them come true.  
But that’s not easy. From what he learnt, Jiro lives with Genji and Taisei. It kinda shook him. Why would Jiro ever live with his cousin? Taisei came back from his college thingie 6 months ago, as he did from his memories (thinking about it… they are too accurate to be false, right?). So, Taro has to stay with his uncle. It’s nice. He’s fed, has a roof. He stayed for quite some time 4 years ago, before living on his own. But he feels he can’t go on if he does the same here. Main problem is money. He has nothing. Even the clothes on his back are his old clothes or new ones Ren bought, along with his new pair of glasses. He decently can’t ask for any money, even if it’s his salary early.

More than everything else, he feels alone. He interacts with his colleagues and his family, yes, but it is so… careful. Purposefully mondane. Jiro talks to him about small things, never getting close to subjects remotely important. That, he does with Shigeru (he can’t really blame him - the man has a knack on being wise and stuff) and with Genji. This he can’t fathom. He should get used to his cousin not being the same as he remembers, but God he’s still annoying! At least, he doesn’t talk of the favor… if it ever existed in this world. When he visits Ren, all Taro does is ignore him. It’s way too easy to get mad at each other. So Taro takes the best course of action for peace, even if that means he does not speak all evening.  
He can’t make up for 4 years in one week, he knows. Still, it’s frustrating.

After an indecisive amount of talks with his uncle, Taro convinces him to let him try butchery again. Shigeru is clearly not up for it. The man does not trust him, that’s a fact. So Taro takes extra-care when butchering. There’s as much blood as usual, and as much shouting from Genji but Taro’s satisfied with his work. These are the best tuna cutlets he ever did. Shigeru sees them, and relunctantly accepts to put him temporarily butcher in place of Genji - who does not like the job anyway, from what he understands.  
That lightens his mood, but now… now he almost never has the time to talk to his brother, at least alone.  
Time… he only has to take time.

At the end of one day, as he cleans the blood of his counter, he hears the others babble. He lifts the curtain to see them talking with Taisei. They seem eager of something, and he wonders why. Then, Taisei spots him and it’s as if he never saw something more pleasing. Taro starts. Taisei comes out him with two giant steps and yells:  
“Taro! It’s nice to see you!”  
“Hi, Tachibana.”  
And Taisei just hugs him, lifting him off the ground. Neither Sakanas nor Shigeru expected that. Taro pats him.  
“Huh, glad to see you too.”  
“We were going out tonight to drink, you’re coming?”  
“Heh, why not. Kinda need the diversion.”  
Taisei’s eyes fill with stars. Only when he turns towards Jiro and sees his awkward face does he understand his best friend might not have invited his brother back. Not this time at least. There’s a silent conversation Taro does not get in this silent glance, but no word, positive or negative, comes.  
On the road to the bar, Taro and Taisei talk about little things. The tall guy has already accepted him, without a second thought, and that’s refreshing. He’s not afraid, even if the last time they saw each other, Taro.… let’s say he wasn’t on his best behaviour. So they talk, and Taro never noticed he was so smooth before. Taisei never mentionned once bad stuff, the streets, dark Taro, and still made interesting conversation. Taro feels like he’s relaxing, for the first time since he got here (if he’s honest, he feels like he’s finally relaxing since Jiro’s interest meeting). Even when Taisei begins to talk with Jiro, and he’s just listening to them, Shigeru and Genji, he’s in the right mood.  
It won’t last, he knows, but that doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy it.

A blond guy in a suit is waiting in front of the bar. A blond guy with nice short hair, and a scar on his left cheek.  
“Yuudai! We’re here! This is Jiro Sakana, my best friend, Taro, his brother, Genji, his cousin and Shigeru Watanabe, their coworker. Yuudai, one of the clerk at No.Ped.”  
Jiro stutters some polite lines, because Yuudai is staring. Taro just blinks. That was a thing he didn’t expect. Shigeru beats him to it:  
“Yuudai! How you’ve been? t’s been 3 years, right? Yer doin’ okay?”  
“Ah, Shigeru… Yeah, I’m fine.”  
Taisei watches them with an unsure smile.  
“Uh, you- you know each other?”  
Genji answers.  
“We’ve been coworkers. Long ago.”  
“Right.”  
Taro notices Genji’s definitely not looking at Yuudai. Shigeu must have been right. Genji is the root of Yuudai quitting.  
“Oh, Yuudai, is it true? I didn’t know you worked at Tsukiji!”  
Taisei becomes his usual self, and Yuudai is definitely blushing. Taro smirks. Even in this timeline, Taisei has this effect on him apparently.  
“W-well, let’s find a table!”  
The next hour, everybody settle a little. Yuudai and Genji less than the others, true, but once Yuudai has a bit of alcohol in his system, Taro knows, it won’t be a problem anymore. As for Genji, Taro doesn’t expect any miracle.

It’s a good party. It’s fun, inconsequential, and as Taro orders another beer, he begins to feel strange. Strange in a good way, but also _bad_.  
He’s drunk. But he’s not sure. It may only be the fatigue.  
 _Or he’s drunk._ He watches his beer. Is it possible? How come?  
He rubs his eyes, and then Yuudai is staring at him.  
“What?”  
“Nothing, Sakana.”  
Taro squintes. What’s his deal? In this timeline, they never met, but apparently, this Yuudai still doesn’t like them. At least, it unsettles the blond guy who turns towards Taisei.  
This is the moment Genji chooses to sit by him. Taro sighs, but says nothing. Genji just drinks, glancing sideways to his cousin. Taro puts his empty glass on the table.  
“What again?”  
“I don’t understand. Why you’re so mean.”  
“Me? Mean?”  
“To me at least. I apologize time and time again for what I did in highschool, and before that. Why can’t you, I don’t know, just understand? I got my life together.”  
“Yeah, right…”  
“Come on, at least _I_ did.”  
“I don’t think you’d get it! You may have done nothing wrong, but I know, _I know_ what you really are, Genji! After years of fighting with you I just know!”  
“Oh, and so because you can’t change I can’t change, that’s what you mean?”  
Taro huffs.  
“No! No. People can change.”  
“You sure? Then _why the f***_ can’t you understand that about me?”

“Because you’re an asshole Genji! _YOU DIDN’T CHANGE!_ I DID!!”  
“IN WHICH F***ING UNIVERSE?! WHO WAS THERE WHEN JIRO NEEDED YOU? HUH? YOU WERE F***ING GONE, TARO, YOU SHOULD COME TO TERM WITH THAT AND I’M TIRED TO PRETEND THESE SIX YEARS OF ABSENCE MEANT NOTHING!!”  
Heads are turning now. Jiro places himself between his brother and cousin.  
“You both, that’s enough now. Y-you don’t need to be so mean and angry.”  
“So you feel that too.”  
“I never said that! Just - please don’t fight.”  
“Alright. Ima smoke one.”  
Taro leaves the bar, only to find Yuudai, already smoking. Taro takes a cigarette from his pack. He can’t help but shake.  
"F*** it" he mutters as he lights it.  
“W-wanna talk about that?”  
“Shut up.”  
He felt sick. He said angry things - angry things that weren’t true, for some. And it didn’t felt good afterwards, so really he gained nothing by shouting.  
Yuudai sips his beer.  
“How many did you drink?” Taro asks.  
“Dunno. Three ? It’s the fourth?”  
“Shouldn’t you be totally drunk?”  
“You grow a liver when you work in an office.”  
The silence stretches.  
“So… you’re a butcher?”  
“Yeah. Since a few days, technically.”  
“What were you doing before?”  
“Didn’t you hear? I wasn’t here.”  
“Oh. That explains some things.”  
“What things?”  
“Uuuuh, I mean… you’re not very close with your brother.”  
“We were never close. Why do you care suddenly?”  
Taro can’t stop the disappointment to show in his voice.  
“… Sorry. Not the right time to tell me stuff apparently.”

They go inside, and Taro sits again on his chair. He’s here but also not. The feeling of being included has disappeared and truly he can only blame himself. He drinks another beer, and then another one, enough to have trouble talking, so at least he can shut up to avoid the ridicule. Not that he cares now.  
Shigeru and Yuudai talk about the good old times, before Genji became butcher, and then Taro’s mouth is babbling before he even notices it: “I think the stall’d be in a better state if you stayed Yuudai.”  
Genji is not smiling, probably taking it for himself - as he should.  
“Well, I’m glad I left. I mean, you're a fine bunch of people, but No.Ped was… an opportunity.”  
“Didn’t you left because of Genji?”  
“Taro!”  
“Well, that’s true, isn’t it? if Genji didn’t come to work at the stall, Yuudai would have stayed, the stall would have made better sales, we’d have a sushi stall and maybe there would be work for a new butcher like me.”  
Jiro is looking worried. In the fog of his mind, Taro suspects his uncle told him about some of the stuff he said at the hospital. Now, he thinks he’s crazy. Great.  
“Jussss-just forget it. Twas just a thought. I’m f*cking drunk.”  
And that is his last memory of the night.

He wakes up in his room. His real room, where he sleeps with Jiro and Taisei. Taro jumps on his feet, causing his hangover to slam his head in pain. He throws up in the bathroom and watches his face in the mirror, destroying his slim hope of being back.  
He finishes his business and finds Yuudai on the couch, wide awake. Taro sits - _falls_ \- beside him.  
“You were really drunk last night. I mean - i never saw you like that.”  
“You never saw me, period.”  
“You were rambling. Everyone thought it was the alcohol…”  
“Yeah, great, tell me how I ridiculed myself, love to hear it.”  
“That’s not what I mean. We need to talk, Taro.”  
“We already are.”  
“Come on! You talked about the sushi stall, about Jan, the interest meeting. About the favor. And I know what you mean by that.”  
Now Taro stares at Yuudai.  
“So we should talk.”


End file.
